Ketika Anda Belajar, Ajarkan – 7 Strategi untuk Membantu Membuat Momen yang Dapat Diaja

“Saat kamu belajar, ajarlah.” Maya Angelou

Ini adalah minggu pengasuhan yang sulit. Minggu ini disajikan tantangan sebagai orang tua di mana pelajaran yang dipetik akhirnya akan datang kepada anak-anak, dan tentu saja telah dipelajari oleh orang tua, tetapi terlalu dini untuk mengakar. Namun pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang terwujud dari abu tantangan telah menjadi sesuatu yang benar-benar direnungkan dan didiskusikan sampai pada kesimpulan. Pertanyaan paling kuat yang muncul dari tantangan sulit dalam mengasuh anak ini adalah, “Bagaimana kita sebagai orang tua, sebagai orang dewasa, sebagai orang dewasa dapat mengenali momen yang bisa diajar demi anak-anak kita?

Jangan salah paham, kadang-kadang anak-anak kita atau anak-anak tetangga kita menekan tombol kita dan kita mengabaikan kenyataan bahwa mereka adalah anak-anak yang perlu mempelajari semua jenis pelajaran. Entah bagaimana, kita hanya bereaksi daripada menarik napas dalam-dalam sebelum kita berbicara. Reaksi spontan adalah normal tetapi tidak selalu bijaksana.

“[Anak-anak] tidak ingat apa yang kamu coba ajarkan kepada mereka.
Jim Henson, Tidaklah Mudah Menjadi Hijau: Dan Hal-Hal Lain yang Perlu Dipertimbangkan

Putra bungsu saya temui minggu ini dari pelatih sepak bola. Kisah itu sebenarnya tidak relevan. Pertanyaan datang dari bagaimana pelatih menangani momen mengajar dalam kasus ini tidak menangani momen mengajar. Pelatih menyentuh wajah anak saya, pelatih menggunakan kata sifat dan nada suara dan bahasa tubuh yang tidak menunjukkan keterampilan komunikasi yang baik tetapi sebaliknya menunjukkan penyalahgunaan posisinya sebagai figur otoritas, sebagai pelatih dan sebagai salah satu guru kelasnya. Tindakannya penuh dengan kebencian, kemarahan, frustrasi, dan racun biasa. Di mana garis ditarik untuk orang dewasa yang bukan orang tua untuk bertindak seolah-olah dia adalah orang tua atau untuk memberi diri mereka izin untuk bertindak dengan otoritas bahkan lebih?

Sebagai orang tua, reaksi pertama saya adalah membela dan melindungi putra saya. Saya mendengarkan cerita dari sudut pandang putra saya dan menyadari bahwa saya harus tahu kapan hanya mendengarkan dan kapan harus menyuarakan bagaimana perasaan saya. Yang bisa saya lakukan hanyalah menulis surat. Saya tidak mengirim surat itu tetapi saya harus menuliskan perasaan saya. Saya perlu mengetahui bagaimana seluruh situasi ini dapat ditangani dengan lebih diplomatis dan jauh lebih simpatik jika pelatih, guru, panutan dan orang dewasa ini dapat melangkah keluar dari dirinya sendiri dan melihat apa yang terjadi dari titik 16 tahun. pandangan. Bukankah sudut pandang (perspektif) salah satu langkah pertama menuju empati?

Sebagai orang tua dengan anak di usia yang genting ini saya harus belajar dan tahu kapan harus melangkah dan terutama kapan harus mundur dan membiarkan anak saya mulai menangani berbagai hal untuk dirinya sendiri. Dia harus dapat mengetahui jauh di dalam dirinya bahwa dia dapat menangani konfrontasi dengan orang dewasa, dengan siapa saja, dengan cara yang matang, terhormat, dan dipikirkan dengan baik. Dia harus mengetahui langkah-langkah yang terlibat dalam bagaimana menghormati semua orang sebagai manusia dan kemudian juga orang-orang yang memainkan peran penting dalam hidup kita, baik secara permanen maupun sementara. Dia harus mencoba pakaian orang dewasa yang dia harapkan suatu hari nanti dan meskipun pakaian itu mungkin tidak pas sekarang dia bisa menjadi terbiasa dengan bagaimana mereka membuatnya dan dia dapat meramalkan masa depan dirinya mengenakannya dengan sangat baik.

Ada langkah-langkah yang dapat kita semua ambil untuk menempatkan kita dalam kerangka pikiran untuk menciptakan momen yang bisa diajar. Berikut ini beberapa di antaranya:

1. Jika Anda berurusan dengan seorang anak yang lebih kecil dari Anda, pertama turun ke level mereka, mata ke mata, sehingga di tempat pertama Anda tidak menyalahgunakan posisi yang lebih tinggi dan menyebabkan anak memandang jauh ke arah Anda dan kedua bahwa apa yang akan Anda katakan menjadi lebih kuat bagi mereka. Jika anak itu remaja seperti anak saya dan tinggi seperti dia, duduklah di suatu tempat bersama anak itu. Tindakan itu sendiri menciptakan ruang penuh perhatian, ruang terhormat untuk Anda berdua dan segera meredakan ketegangan. Dengan ketegangan yang menyebar, Anda sebagai orang dewasa dapat berpikir lebih terarah dan lebih jelas untuk menciptakan kata-kata yang membantu membentuk momen yang bisa diajar. Mengubah sudut pandang literal Anda sendiri secara fisik menempatkan Anda pada posisi unik dalam mencoba melihat sesuatu dari sudut pandang orang lain. Ini adalah landasan empati.

“Kita mulai belajar dengan bijaksana ketika kita bersedia melihat dunia dari sudut pandang orang lain.”
Toba Beta, Master of Stupidity

2. Lihat anak langsung di mata dan ambil satu atau dua napas dalam sebelum berbicara. Mengambil nanoseconds untuk bernapas membantu mengumpulkan pikiran Anda.

“Perasaan datang dan pergi seperti awan di langit berangin. Napas sadar adalah jangkar saya.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Melangkah Menuju Kebebasan: Aturan Praktek Monastik untuk Novis

3. Mulailah berbicara dengan hati Anda, bukan kepala Anda. Sekalipun ada pelajaran khusus untuk diajarkan, nada bicara Anda akan menyampaikan keseriusan tetapi tindakan Anda akan menunjukkan rasa hormat dari setiap posisi dalam hubungan.

“Tindakan mengekspresikan prioritas.”
Mahatma Gandhi

4 – Bicaralah dengan jelas. Berbicaralah dengan sengaja, dan bicaralah dengan semua otoritas yang telah Anda berikan untuk peran yang Anda mainkan dalam kehidupan anak itu. Hormati peran yang Anda mainkan. Jangan menjadi orang tua bagi anak itu jika Anda adalah pelatih atau guru, kecuali jika Anda telah diberi izin untuk memainkan peran orang tua baik orang dewasa penting lainnya dalam kehidupan anak itu atau oleh anak itu sendiri.

“Selalu menjadi versi tingkat pertama dari dirimu dan bukan versi tingkat kedua dari orang lain.”
Judy Garland

5. Pastikan ada tindak lanjut dengan apa yang Anda coba ajarkan. Apakah ada cara untuk secara fisik menunjukkan pelajaran yang berusaha diajarkan? Tindakan berbicara lebih keras daripada kata-kata. Hubungi anak tersebut sesering mungkin. Pelajaran akan memiliki lebih banyak makna. Pastikan Anda memvalidasi rasa hormat terhadap posisi Anda sendiri, tetapi juga untuk fakta bahwa Anda memahami bahwa anak-anak membuat kesalahan dan bahwa inilah saatnya hidup mereka untuk membuat kesalahan dan sangat belajar dari mereka. Pastikan anak memahami bahwa ada kemungkinan bahwa Anda dimasukkan ke dalam kehidupannya untuk membantu mereka mempelajari pelajaran.

“Kebijaksanaan sama dengan pengetahuan dan keberanian. Kamu tidak hanya tahu apa yang harus dilakukan dan kapan melakukannya, tetapi kamu juga harus cukup berani untuk menindaklanjutinya.”
Jarod Kintz, $ 3,33

6. Ingatlah di atas segalanya bahwa Anda tidak boleh menghakimi. Kita semua membuat kesalahan, bahkan sebagai orang dewasa, tidak ada yang sempurna. Anda bukan Tuhan, Anda bukan juri. Anda adalah contoh, panutan. Anda memiliki posisi paling penting dari semuanya untuk dapat memengaruhi manusia ini dengan cara yang paling meneguhkan dan mengubah kehidupan. Kekuatan yang Anda pegang seharusnya hanya digunakan untuk kebaikan. Berhati-hatilah dengan kata-kata Anda. Tongkat dan batu bisa mematahkan tulang mereka, tetapi kata-kata Anda akan meresap ke dalam selamanya. Bagaimana Anda ingin diingat oleh orang ini?

“Pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang harus kita tanyakan pada diri kita sendiri, dan yang akan ditanyakan oleh sejarawan dan anak-anak kita kepada kita, adalah: Bagaimana kita menciptakan dibandingkan dengan apa yang kita warisi? Apakah kita akan menambah tradisi kita atau kita akan mengurangi dari itu? Apakah kita akan enric atau akankah kita menghilangkannya? “
Leon Wieseltier

7. Jika Anda tidak dapat menemukan dalam diri Anda untuk berbicara langsung dengan anak dan pada saat itu, beri tahu anak itu bahwa Anda perlu waktu untuk berefleksi dan bahwa Anda memiliki niat untuk mengatasi situasi ini dengannya segera setelah Anda menjelaskannya. apa yang ingin kamu katakan. Ambil satu hari atau hanya satu malam dan tulis surat. Keluarkan semua perasaan Anda di atas kertas. Jangan mengirim surat kecuali jika itu niat Anda untuk melakukannya. Baca ulang surat itu berulang-ulang. Laksanakan insiden di dalam usus Anda, otak Anda, hati Anda dan selesaikan dengan kata-kata. Jika Anda tidak mengirim surat itu, biarkan ruang yang baru saja Anda buat untuk diri Anda sendiri untuk menghadapi emosi sekarang dapat menciptakan momen yang bisa diajar. Gunakan kekuatan yang baru saja Anda ciptakan dari kata-kata Anda dan ajarkan. Anda memiliki kewajiban untuk mengambil apa yang telah Anda pelajari dan mengajarkan pelajaran.

“Setiap pengalaman hidup menimbulkan pertanyaan ini: bagaimana kamu ingin diubah karena aku?”
Mollie Marti

Ini semua membuat saya berpikir tentang bagaimana pelatih sepak bola bahkan tidak berusaha untuk menemukan keseimbangan antara tindakan anak saya dan kata-kata dan nada kebencian yang dia gunakan. Tidak ada tindak lanjut; tidak ada ketenangan di hari lain untuk menciptakan peluang lain yang memungkinkan untuk momen yang bisa diajar. Pelatih sepak bola membiarkan kebencian itu duduk di udara dan di otak anak saya. Itu membuat sulit untuk belajar ketika anak saya kemudian harus duduk di kamar pelatih dan menghormati sosok otoritas ini sebagai gurunya juga.

Situasi ini membuat saya bertanya:

Berapa banyak kata-kata penuh kebencian yang ada di mana keseimbangan tidak dapat ditemukan untuk menunjukkan yang benar dan yang salah dalam situasi apa pun? Selanjutnya, saya memilih untuk memecah pemikiran ini menjadi 4 kata kata. Ada berapa kata benci 4 huruf versus 4 kata kata kebaikan?

Ternyata ada banyak kata-kata kebaikan 4 huruf yang melebihi kata-kata kebencian hampir 2-1.

Inilah tantangan saya untuk Anda:

1. Berapa banyak kata-kata kebaikan 4 huruf yang dapat Anda pikirkan dan kemudian gunakan selama minggu Anda?

2. Berapa banyak momen yang dapat diajar yang dapat Anda ciptakan dengan menggunakan kata-kata kebaikan?

3. Bagaimana Anda bisa mengadu kata-kata kebaikan dengan kata-kata kebencian sehingga menciptakan perasaan yang akan memberdayakan Anda dan anak Anda dan menggerakkan Anda berdua ke arah kebaikan?

Akan selalu ada hari-hari yang buruk dan perasaan yang buruk, tetapi bagaimana kita menyeimbangkan dan memerangi hari-hari itu dan perasaan dapat diberdayakan segera dengan baju besi yang kita pelajari untuk digunakan dalam kebaikan. Berikut adalah sedikit daftar untuk memulai:

Cinta / benci, baik / jahat, pahlawan / bodoh, tujuan / gagal, akan / lemah … Semoga beruntung. Bagikan kepada saya saat-saat Anda yang dapat diajar dan kata-kata yang memberdayakan saat-saat itu.

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